I'm so insecure.
Yep. I am. I know most people who meet me don't think so, but trust me — I am. I struggled for years to fit in and then finally just realized that's not how God created me.
I'm just the outsider. I always feel this way — and I'm okay with it. In fact, I'm good with it. Being the outsider helps me recognize the loners and those who feel out of place. I consider it a gift, but there are days when it's just hard.
And the enemy LOVES my insecurity. Oh, but he does.
Recently, I had an incredible offer from a friend. She offered to help me with my next book project — and not only did she offer to help, she also championed me to others in the industry. It was amazing and I was stunned! I'm still reeling over it!
My natural inclination is to take her offer and RUN WITH IT! (Yes, I'm the girl who would go out on one date with a guy and start planning the wedding before we said good night.) I was designing covers and planning acceptance speeches (for what? I don't know, but I felt sure I'd win something from somewhere) — and then I stopped myself. I took a deep breath and asked Jesus what I should do next. He was very clear — write the book proposal.
But that insecurity thing reared right back up. I'm struggling with the ‘I'm NOT good enough' syndrome. Just the other day I sent her a quick text message asking about the offer and got no response. I immediately thought ‘she doesn't like me. She was just saying that to be nice. I'm not good enough for her.'
I was hurt. I didn't know what to do and then I remembered this book I am reading — Unglued, by Lysa TerKeurst.
I flipped through some pages and I found this chapter – Negative Inside Chatter and read this question —
Did someone actually say this or am I making assumptions about what they're thinking?
I knew right then that I was letting my negative chatter get to me. Seriously, how many times have I missed a text message? Or just didn't have time to respond right then, so I waited until later. Why was I immediately jumping into such negative chatter!
I reminded myself that she is a friend. She likes me and I like her. And above all that — I trust her with my heart. I know I can call her and just say “I'm feeling insecure about this, okay?” And she will be honest with me. So I did just that — and she helped me quiet that negative chatter.
Are you dealing with some negative inside chatter?
Or, like me, do you struggle with raging insecurity?
Don't live in the negative — find how you can turn it around.