Deer hunting season opened this past week. I don’t hunt. It’s not that I’m against hunting. I’m not.
My husband loves to hunt. I love my husband, but I still don’t like to hunt.
I don’t hunt because it involves getting up before the sun and going into the woods. I only get up before the sun if the reward is a great bargain. I do not consider a deer to be a great bargain.
I don’t hunt because it’s COLD during hunting season. When it’s cold I like to sit by the fire and whine about how cold it is. Whining is not allowed during hunting.
And that’s another reason I don’t like to hunt – you have to be quiet. Even after you shoot a deer…wait, let me use the appropriate vernacular …. harvest a deer you still have to be quiet. I don’t get it. You don’t celebrate your success. You are just quiet. Not my thing. I like to jump and shout gloating when I find a great bargain. Apparently, jumping and shouting are not acceptable hunting behavior.
I don’t like to hunt because it requires sitting very quiet in a shooting house or climbing up in a tree, which is just CRAZINESS, and sitting in a tree stand. A tree stand is just a fancy name for some contraption that is not much more than an chair you strap to a tree – way high up in the tree.
When you’re hunting you have to be careful about smells and my husband puts some icky scent on his shoes. Apparently deer are attracted to icky scent. I don’t know why. It’s a mystery to me.
I like to shop. I get to sleep in and still go shopping. I get to talk when I shop. I am warm when I shop. I can buy coffee and drink it very loudly! I smell good when I shop.
And when I harvest a bargain…. I shout, twitter, yell, tell everyone within hearing distance. I celebrate the harvest!
And that’s why I don’t like to hunt – no celebration.
Oh my friend, let me introduce you to the joys of squirrel hunting. Yes, my hubs is a deer hunter, but squirrels….oh, now that is a killing that a little ole girl like me can rejoice over. I can stand on my porch in my nightgown or whatever I happen to have on and when one saunters up toward the house, I look at it and say, “bye, bye you little demon.” and then BAM!!! I jump up and down, take a picture, post it on FB, twitter about it and then walk right back in my house and pour myself a cup of coffee to celebrate.
I’m telling you squirrel hunting is really a much better sport than deer hunting. Besides, squirrels are nothing more than rats with furry tails. I promise you would love it!!! LOVE IT!!
Leah
Mary and Leah, I am cracking up at BOTH of you! I have to agree with Mary, deer hunting would not be for me…for all the reasons you listed, Mary, and because I wouldn’t be able to get Bambi out of my head! lol
And Leah, girl…I am just picturing you running outside in your nightgown and killing those squirrels. Haha…even though I don’t like squirrels, I couldn’t get away with doing that. We live in the town limits. Our town frowns upon us citizens shooting guns in the town….they don’t like potato guns/cannons, either, but that’s a whole nuther story. *Ahem*