I’m on a journey. No, not a cruise or a conference this time. This is a different type of journey – there aren’t any boarding passes for me to lose or hotel keys to misplace. This is a very personal journey about some of my junk.
Junk that I need to GET OUT of my life. Junk that is cluttering up my vision and distracting me from life in Jesus – from ABUNDANT life in Jesus.
Today I was reading through a book/ bible study I’m using on this journey and this question hit me:
Are you praying for God to remove this from your life?
Am I? No. I’m not. I like it here in this comfortable place. I don’t want to be uncomfortable. I don’t want to do a NEW thing, I’m just going to be okay with this thing.
As long as I don’t pray, I can just tell myself it’s no big deal.
I don’t pray about it because to pray would be admitting there is problem. As long as I don’t admit it, I don’t have to face it, right?
Wrong. Sadly, very wrong and that’s why I’m walking this thing out today, right now, in the light.
I’ve taken up a challenge to make a change. This first thing that I have to change is my heart. I have this for myself as much as I know the Lord (and these sweet friends) want it for me. I have to want it even when it’s hard and when I’m sad and when I’m hurting.
I have to want to change before the Lord can change me.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I want to all the time. I want to sometimes – mostly when I stand on the scales or have to put on two pairs of Spanx (yes it’s doable) to wear the dress that was baggy last year.
So am I praying that the Lord will fix my ‘want to.’
I’m praying that tomorrow I will get up and want to do this thing. But even if I don’t, I’ll still move forward and I’ll keep praying that that Lord will change my heart and make my ways more like His.
After all, that is the plan.
Mary,
I love this. I love that you are challenging yourself to change. I love that you admit that you don’t always want it. I love that you admit that you have to pray that you will want to. I love that you know that even if you don’t want it like you should, you just have to keep challenging yourself to be in that place.
This spoke to my heart. I celebrate your choice, and respect it.
Love you, always.
Mary,
I understand your journey. I’m on one myself.
God’s extravagant love is lavished on us. He wants relationship with us. Just like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son. The father wanted an intimate relationship with his son. He was patient. He waited until His son came to his senses.
What I am learning is that when I, too, desire an intimate relationship with Him, it can be easier to get rid of the things that hold me back for this believer’s life. I want so desperately to love Him, to serve Him.
Thanks for your blog. I love reading it.
Sheryl
Sheryl — thanks for your encouragement. It means so much to me!
I live in denial quite a bit. Ugh.
I’ve spent a lot of time in that state — denial that is.
Wow. God has just been mind blowin’ wow to me today. Allllll day. From every direction. Every instance might as well have come with the bell clash of ‘ding ding ding’ to mark am affirmative confirmation to something I only just brought before Him this morning. Well, I’ve been mulling it over and playing with it. Himming and hawing because I don’t want to do the new thing either. It isn’t completely new to me. Only new in this season. But somehow it has to be different this time. It already is because I already am, and God is pressing me forward to pull a lot of things out by their very deep roots, the things that have made this new thing so difficult to concur. I’ve battled my weight for years. Now I’m getting to the veritable roots of the problem.
Thanks for sharing yourself outloud so I could know to pray for you and let you know that you aren’t alone in wishing for your ‘want to’ to be fixed. I found a bible study that is going to be online beginning January 10th for Lysa TerKeurst’s new book Made to Crave. She’ll be doing it live every Monday evening from 8-9 pm eastern time. If you’d like you can read more about it at her website … http://lysaterkeurst.com/2010/10/something-free-you-dont-want-to-miss/
Thank you again for sharing!
Teri —
Thanks for the encouragement and I’m right there with you sister — dealing with this thing.
Thanks for the info on Lysa T’s new book and her live study. I’ll be there.
Thanks Mary…this one really hit home.
Mary,
I love this and I love you! This spoke to me. Thanks for sharing, friend.
Blessings,
Dori
Oh Mary, good for you! I’m going to join you in this prayer ok? I’ll pray for you and you pray for me. Love and hugs, Gayle
Hey friend,
As tough as it is, God never used a single soul in the Bible without forcing some sort of change in their life. Abraham had to leave and go. Rahab had to trust and wait. Joshua had to be strong and courageous. Paul had to believe and cease killing Christians. Ruth had to turn away from the gods of her people and follow the one true God.
Dang it, God is just all about change and until and unless we get on the ‘change and grow’ bandwagon with Him, we will never be who He wants us to be. Standing with you.
Leah