Recently, I read a blog post by Amanda that sent me reeling. The post made me consider why I do what I do.
Do I write, teach and speak because I’m called? Do I do it for God’s glory and His glory alone? Or do I do it to GET something? And if so, what am I getting?
I would LOVE to sit here and tell you I ALWAYS do it for God’s glory and nothing else. I would LOVE to say that every word I’ve written, every word I’ve spoken before a group has ALL been for His glory and His alone – but I can’t. It would be a HUGE lie.
I struggled with writing this post. I worried that you or you or that girl over there… you see her? She’s the one looking for a speaker for her women’s event. I was worried y’all would read this and think ‘we don’t want her.‘ And this fear of not being good enough has paralyzed me – it’s made reconsider my words on this place, but enough of that mess. Let’s get real.
I’ve written and spoke when the glory I wanted was my own. I stood on my own strength and fallen FLAT on my face because of it. I’ve spent time down in the ditches and pits of life because of my own pride. And do NOT want to repeat any of this ever again.
But I go back to that original question – am I doing this for His Glory or for my own?
I WANT it to be ALL for His glory and His alone. It’s my prayer and the cry of my heart. Before I open my mouth to speak before a group, I’ve begged the Lord to show me my pride and to show me how to put Him above all else. I’ve prayed that every word from my mouth be for His glory and not my advancement.
I pray for discernment, wisdom, guidance and humility – regularly. But am I doing this because He’s called me to proclaim His glory?
It’s a question I want to ponder over the next few days and weeks – but let me ask you, why do you BLANK (fill in the blank with your thing – teach Sunday School, serve in Women’s ministry, blog, write, speak, serve)?
I feel, and know, what you are saying. Thank you for saying it. Many of us wouldn’t have the courage. You are a blessing to me and so many, Mary. Thank you for your service to HIM and to all of us.
I came to the realization that God made me a certain way–I have this intense need to be needed. I was angry about that for a while because It sounds so weak and uncertain–but the realization came to me that God made me this way so I would do His work. He made me this way and made me realize it because He wants to show me how he fulfills those and all other needs for me. There is a satisfaction for me in doing a job well done and knowing that I was used by God for a purpose. there is a certain self need that is met every time I do His work–It’s okay–I am more available because of the way he made me. Love ya Mary, Lynda
I’ve been questioning myself along those lines. Do I teaching the Bible studies and Sunday School classes because I want people to think I am so spiritual? Do I want people to like me? Do I want some glory? But, God slammed me with a verse I memorized in a Bible study I am in. Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Funny, when I start thinking of myself or why that person doesn’t seem to like me or why can’t I go outside my church walls and teach, etc. God puts that verse square in front of me and I am reminded that this life I live is not my life, it’s His.
Thanks so much for this post, Mary.
Sheryl
Why do I do what I do?
I do it because I can not “NOT” do it. I’ve tried to not do it.
I know the calling God has placed on my life.
I walked away from that calling just over a year ago. I had convinced myself that my work was done; it was time for someone else to take the reigns and do the work that God had given to me. Can anyone scream MISTAKE!
Through my human and selfish self I decided the ladies I served was not worth the struggle and the frustration that many times comes with ministry. Truth is I had forgotten whom I was really serving. Was I serving the ladies in my church and community, or was I serving the ONE who gave His life for me?
When the reality hit of what I had done I found myself on my knees before a forgiving Lord begging him to allow me another chance to complete the work he had started in me and through me.
Initially the answer seemed to be no. It seemed the more I prayed asking Him to allow me to take the same role He had given before, the more I felt He had shut that door to me. Not that the Lord had shut me out. In fact it was right the opposite, He had opened a communication between us that is hard to describe. I sat on the sidelines for several months still in constant communication with the Lord, but still feeling as if I had been told to sit down and be quiet. All the while my heart and soul inside me was screaming “Lord can I not be used anymore?”
After 11 months of “Be still and know that I AM God – psalm 46:10” playing over and over in my heart and mind, the Lord opened a new door of service to me. It was like a refreshing rain. And the funny part is it was the one thing I said I would never do…teach a Sunday school class. Me? Teach a class? You have got to be kidding me. After the mess I have made out of all the things you put me over and you want me to teach a Sunday school class. Really???
After a bit of laughter I gladly stepped up again to serve my dear Savior. It has been one of the sweetest journeys I have trod with Him. As well as one of the most educational journeys for me so far.
Now I can’t speak for my ladies in the class. They may be asking where in the world this chick was found. But the Lord has allowed me the privilege to serve Him in this capacity at this time. And I will continue to serve Him here until He tells me to do something else. Maybe one day he will give me the freedom to serve as women’s ministry leader again at my home church. And if He doesn’t, that’s Okay.
I will work for Him until He returns.
How can I not?
Lisa
Holy Moly.
That’s all I can manage at the present time.