Wind suits. Remember those things. Two piece track suits in shiny, slick material that came in some unlikely (and sadly, ugly) color combinations. Some of the color combinations included a accent patch of floral print — because apparently, we needed something a bit more soft to attract the less athletic bunch.
While I wasn't a fan of the floral pattern patches, shiny has long been my love language — so I was certain that I would LOVE a wind suit. Not that I'm a fan of wind or exercise, but I do love shiny. Unfortunately, the wind suit came with sound effects. Swoosh-swoosh, swish-swish. Every movement you made was broadcast for all to hear. Cross you leg – swish. Walk down the stairs – swoosh, swoosh, swoosh. Run (not that I ever did that) – swish, swish, swish, swish, swish.
No matter how hard I tried to keep it quiet, that dang wind suit announced every tiny movement. There was no walking in unannounced, the sound proceeded me and shouted ‘I'm HERE!' As if the shiny teal and hot pink color combination didn't shout loud enough. I think I wore it twice before I tossed it in the ‘too noisy to keep' pile.
I was thinking about that wind suit just the other day. Someone hurt my feelings and I got angry and just a bit indignant. How dare they say that to me? Who in the WORLD to they think they are?
It's so easy to get angry when someone hurts my feelings. I can quickly jump to the defensive when I feel insecure — andI put on my mad — just like I put on that noisy wind suit. The noise of the my anger is louder than that wind suit and much more nerve wracking. It gets all over me. It drowns out every word I say, every action I take — the noise of my anger overwhelms everything about me.
And in all that noise, you can't hear or see any Jesus in me. All you can hear is the mad attitude of a girl who got her feelings hurt.
I'm learning to pause before I put on my mad. I don't have to accept it. I don't have to wear it. I can refuse it and put it in the ‘too noisy to keep' pile.
I don't want to wear my mad — I want people to see and hear Jesus in me. So I have to step above my emotions. I have to stop before I ever get to the place where I'm wearing my anger. I have to breath deep, consider what why I'm upset. Did someone say something to that made me feel insecure, unworthy, not good enough? Those are my issues. I know just who I am in Christ and no one can take that away from me.
Am I angry at the actions of someone? I need to look beyond the actions and words and see their broken places (as my sweet friend Melinda Garman often tells me). Maybe they are operating out of fear, insecurity, or hurt.
No matter what the reason, I cannot let anything drown out Christ in my life. Without Jesus, I'm just noise.
I don't want to be just noise.
I want you to hear Jesus in me.