Just the other day I asked the question – why do I do what I do? I loved the responses – both public and private. It’s a question I continue to ponder and pray over.
Today I’m considering this calling to ministry. And then I get caught up in the comparison trap. My mind goes to the person I envision is living in the midst of God’s call on her life – and I begin to compare myself to her or him. I’ll never know THAT much scripture. I am just not that educated. I CAN’T communicate like her. I’ll NEVER write that many bible studies. AND so on.
I go from comparing to defeated in under 3.2 seconds – it’s an amazing gift.
But all the ‘stuff" I’m comparing is not about ministry, it’s about how people see me. And that’s not ministry.
Ministry is what God is calling me to, it’s not how many people it impacts, it’s about Him. …. let’s all pause right here for a moment. Ministry is about God’s calling not the results of that calling. It’s about His call on my life, not the number of books I sell, the size of the crowds I speak to, or my popularity.
But I WANT to sell LOTS of books, speak to HUGE crowds and be popular. Yes, I do! (Just being real here). But I also know this is not ministry – it’s just me. So, I go back to why do I do what I do – and then I realize that it’s really just about One and one.
I do what I do for the One and Only with a heart to reach just one for Him. Sure, I want huge crowds, lots of people, and tons of facebook friends & twitter followers, but I can’t do this for crowds, friends or followers. I can try, but I will fail.
I do this because I know He has called me to reach out to that one girl (from 13 to 103) who needs to hear a word of encouragement. I do it for the one who searching for something more than just church or a weekly Bible study group. I do it for the one who strives to fill her life with something more than the ordinary.
I do want to reach her – but I would be lying if I didn’t say this:
it’s hard when only a handful show up when you are speaking
it’s hard when only a few come to your event
it hurts when you’re not the one picked.
There I said it. I started to NOT say it. I had this really pretty, tied-neatly-with-a-bow ending about doing it for the ONE and the one. It was good, trust me, but it wasn’t me – it was what I thought sounded really good – ministry good. I deleted it all. Now, let’s get to the real stuff.
I love this calling and I stand in awe of the Lord who called me (of ALL people) to this ministry. I want to do it well and I know that means walking in His will. But I struggle with wanting to do well in the eyes of my peers.
This is the real me – I want people to like me. But I also know this ministry isn’t about being liked, it’s about being real – and some people will like me and others will not. Sometimes people will show up and other times, it'll be just one. And that has to be okay – it just does. It has to be about Him because if it’s not about Him then it is all about me. And that thought terrifies me.
What about you – do you struggle with making it all about Jesus?
And how do you keep it about just Him?