No, not me, my blog. I’m in the midst of blog confusion. What purpose does my blog have? Why do I write it? What is the personality of this blog? Am I trying to be someone I’m not? Does any of this really matter in light of the current economy? Wait, I don’t think the economy has squat diddly to do with my blog.
When I started this blogging adventure I didn’t know a single person who had a blog, unless you count Beth Moore and we aren’t exactly chatting-on-the-phone-girlfriends. Not that I wouldn’t love to talk with Beth, but I just don’t have her number – go figure. Back to the blogging thing.
Blogging sounded fun. So I did it. And I stuck with it. That alone is a miracle. Let me put it this way, I LOVE starting projects. I LOVE ending projects, it’s that dreaded middle that gets me every time.
I expected my blog to be a place to write about the publishing process and my upcoming book. Thomas Nelson canceled my book. No more talk about that.
I never expected the blog to be a place to build life-changing friendships. It is. I’ve met some incredible women who’ve become dear friends. Girlfriends.
I love how the Lord has taken what I intended to use for the book He gave me, the book about girlfriends, the book that is now looking for a new home, and used it for something more. Something that just blesses my socks off. I never thought I’d read blog posts that moved me to tears or to my knees – but I do.
I never thought I'd look forward to hanging out with a bunch of women I met on the Internet — but I do.
I never thought that I'd be blessed through a blog — but I am.
This wonderful world of Bloggyland has blessed me and continues to bless me. But I struggle with it at times. Okay, more than at times. I struggle.
I love reading blogs, writing blog posts, and posting comments. As I get to know more people in Bloggyland, I catch myself writing posts for approval. I want to be liked. There it is. I said it. My name is Mary and I'm a people pleaser. I want people to like me and I struggle with that.
I wanted the ability to turn a phrase of BooMama, the fashion sense of BigMama, the teaching style of Beth Moore, the grace of Melinda Garman, the ability the speak truth over a situation with grace of Kim and Georgia Jan. I wanted the wit Robyn, the peace of Lisa Whittle, and enthusiasm of Fran and Angie . I wanted the grace of Tammy and the laughter of Jenny. And the list goes on and on and on.
I was so focused on trying to be like other bloggers that I forgot to be me. Felt like high school all over again. I was losing myself in all the confusion.
I wanted my blog to be filled with humor and powerful teaching like Lisa’s, I wanted the readers of The Pioneer Woman, I wanted the giveaways of Shannon. I Want. I Want. I Want. Notice a pattern here? I finally did. I am not Big Mama or Boo Mama or the Pioneer Woman. God has not called me to be Lisa Whittle, Melina Garman or Beth Moore. I’m me. Slightly frazzled, but usually optimistic dreamer who loves the Lord, her family, her girlfriends and adventure.
Why do I so want to be all these other people? I wouldn’t be a good Robyn. I’d make a really crappy Fran. And I just don’t see myself as a Preacher’s Wife like Lisa. And there is only one Beth Moore – AND there’s only one me. And girl, there’s only one you.
I’m going to stop “wanting” away the blessings of the Lord. I’ve been so focused on trying to impress people (more trying than impressing) that I’m missing out on who God is calling me to be. And He's blessed me beyond measure! And I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t want to miss one bit of a blessing.
So, I’ll continue to LOVE my time in Bloggyland and I’ll read and comment on other blogs. I'll enjoy these bloggers for who they are and not try to be like them. I'll write my blog posts and I'm even writing about my favorite places. Not just the normal stuff like I've been doing, but the geeky off-the-beaten path places that have lots of character. Like Elkmont (in the Great Smoky Mtns), the Life Saving Stations on the Outer Banks, and more. But that's me. I just love that stuff.
I'll probably go from writing something incredibly lame and silly to something the Lord lays on my heart to share. Hope you’ll stick around. But if not , don’t tell me. I'm a recovering people pleaser and my insecure self can’t handle that rejection stuff.
I’m sticking around. And I’m glad you’re Mary. While I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Fran, Melinda, Kim, Lisa, Beth, Jenny, Sophie, & Melanie, I’m glad there’s a Mary thrown in there, too.
Because who else would share my love of flip flops? Or be the “God, Jesus, & Mary” in my daughter’s conversation? Or meet me at the FOOD COURT when a real lunch would be WAY nicer just because it’s easier on me?
I love you to stinkin death! You rock, my friend. And you write about whatever your little heart desires. And I’ll read it.
I cannot believe how this post was timely for me…I want to ask you so many questions about your ministry to women and how you deal with the whole people pleasing thing…and lo and behold, um you answered so many questions!!
I am *certain* we all go through through this bloggy-purpose deal. Thank you for sharing your process of shifting through it.
love,
rach
Girlfriend…have we not discussed this shared malady? Truly, will the similarities never end??
It’s a fine line we walk between writing to glorify ourselves and to glorify the ONLY One who deserves any glory at all! I promise to keep trying to stay true to what God’s called me to write, if you’ll do the same. Because, really? They ain’t nobody like my Mary!
Oh, and since I haven’t read your manuscript, I don’t know if you’ve already done this…if not, we need to co-write a travel guide to the 8th, 9th and 234th wonders of the world, girlfriend-style! I LOVE that stuff!!! Enough already with the things in common – I just can’t take it!!
Hi Mary! I came across your blog through the “She Speaks” sign up. I love your creativity and talent. Keep it up! Your honest, heartspoken, creativity is a joy.
Kathy
Mary,
You touched on one of my blog struggles as well
I too wonder what the purpose of my blog is
God has to constantly remind me that my blog is about whatever and nothing
And that is OK!
I LOVE you sweet Mary and I think your blog is wonderful
You make me laugh
you are real and honest
Refreshing and it is wonderful!!
Keep doing what you do best – BEING YOU!
Much love,
Kim
I just ditto what you have said and what everyone else has said. We came together through a post-its and organizing purses. :-).
Keep on what you feel lead to do by Him and not by us (oh, I should listen to that advice).
Hi Mary!
I just discovered your blog through your comment at BooMama’s site. I live in Rainbow City, AL and am originally from Altoona, so I definitely know Oneonta! 🙂 Cool that we’re such close neighbors.
I can identify with this post so much. I am just now really trying to get my blog started and agree with everything you said! I’m trying to blog about everything from Beth Moore bible studies, to health, to cooking… etc… I am also a HUGE people-pleaser! I will add your blog to the “list” I read!
Take care!
Thanks for checking out my blog too! We do need to get together!
Have a great night!
Debra Graybeal
Whew, girl! You hit the nail on the head. I am a big-time people pleaser and can’t believe it’s carried over into my blog life. How ridiculous, right? But I find myself wondering why I don’t have more comments, why so and so didn’t write me back, why no one thinks I’m as funny as I do, etc. I’m ashamed to say it. But my thoughts jump back to my high school thoughts, where I was constantly seeking approval, all too easily. And why in the world do I put so much time and effort into my blogging and commenting but can’t seem to find enough time to spend with the Lord?
I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog. I’ll be back. Come see me if you get a chance.
shawna-mygirls.blogspot.com
Oh girl…you have cracked me up! Here I sat…in my office—pj’s and all—and I feel the SAME FLIPPIN’ WAY!!!
EVEN some of the names are the SAME! Except take out ME and put YOU! AND I’d throw in Patsy Clairmont! But you know…that dear girl “Beth Moore” told me just last week…
Yes! REally!
(Actually—she tells me the same thing over and over and over)!!!
I really got you going now…you want her phone number don’tcha!
Well…I’ll tell you the secret ….
I buy the CD Bible Studies and listen to them OVEr and OVER! (I need all the help in driving back and forth to work…cuz I just hate going SO MUCH!!! She and her Bible Study stuff and the PRAYER time get’s me there! AND keeps me there w/o killin’ anybody! (Can I get a witness!!!)
Anyway, back to what I was saying earlier…our “history—is a major part of our destiny”….w/o our history —OUR HISTORY—meaning all the junk that I REALLY wish I could change…Has really made me what I am—and what Beth is…and what Patsy is…and what you are…and WHAT GOD INTENDS TO USE EACH ONE OF US FOR.
Yeah, I didn’t like it much when I heard it the first time….I really have some crappola (can I say that here???) that I really wish had not happened. BUT in all of that mess….I learned stuff about GOD that I probably wouldn’t have any other way…or at least I learned it quicker. I learned what HE COULD and WOULD do.
Girl…my enthusiasim (can’t spellit) comes from loving HIM. Nothing about me. MY life is full of junk…He is daily dealing with me about. One thing —more TIME with HIM and less “worrying” about the details….
I just love you girl! Can’t WAIT to see you….I guess you know by now that the retreat is all I am concentrating on…and so therefore…I posted the info WAY earlier than I should have! BUT at least I am “setting the table”…and hey–it takes me a while to get all the napkins ironed….(yes, I like my napkins starched and ironed.)
🙂 See you!