You know those emails that read “send this to seven people including yourself and watch what happens.”

So, someone please tell me WHAT HAPPENS?

I am a conscientious objector to forwarded emails — aka FWD mail. My normal way of dealing with these is to click delete when I see one pop into my mailbox, but occasionally I just think “why not?” I go against my convictions, click open, and find myself face to face with an email that requires thought and action.

It's one of “send this to five of the most wonderful people you know” and immediately I start to worry “what if I don't send it back to the sender? Will she think I don't like her? Will she race out to the mall for retail therapy and charge up an exorbitant amount on frivolous purchases just to help numb the pain of my rejection? It's about this time that reality steps in and I realize, this is not that big of a deal.

I click delete and feel bad about it — for about five seconds — and then more on.

Back to the SOMETHING HAPPENS — what, what in the world happens? As a conscientious objector, I rarely do the “send to five people” thing, but never, ever, ever has anything Happened! I've gotten the ones that read “this is so cool — send it to 56 people in the next 43 seconds and you'll see it too.” But I never see anything?

I'm always hopeful that my screen will just go black and then an amazing fireworks display will begin complete with an rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. Or better yet, I'd love to see the screen turn completely white and little chicks start hopping across the screen and peeping all the way– wait, do chicks hop?

Chicken people help — do chicks hop? Don't ask me why I think that would be grand, I don't know I just like the idea and you have to admit, they are cute. I'm just looking for something — anything (obviously, if I think chickens on my screen is worth the trouble).

I admit, I don't forward many emails and maybe I don't know all the ropes to forwarding emails, but I need help on this. It's really starting to bother me….

I don't want to become that person who forwards to every person they've every met and to every person whose email address as skipped through their computer. I don't want to be her — but I do want to know what happens? I'm nosy by nature…. wait, let me rephrase that, I'm an inquisitive soul and I like to know how things work and How does this work?