It seems odd to be on the outside — again. I don't know their names. Everyone is nice and sweet, but they don't know me and I don't know them. Here I am again Lord, praying for one friend in this fellowship — just one.
I'm the girl who wrote the book on girlfriends — and yet, I'm right back here, again. A little older, a bit wiser and asking God to send me just one girlfriend in this new church to connect with.
Let me bring you up to date:
Several months ago the Lord began tugging on my heart about moving churches. I pushed it aside, didn't listen, wrote it up to my personal junk, but then one day my husband asked me about it. Seems the Lord was leading him the same way. Now, let me state this — we LOVED (and still love) our church body. The people are precious and beloved. Our pastor is wonderful, loving and encouraging. We have roots in this church, we have friends, we have relationships, we are invested, but God had other plans.
I didn't want to leave (nor did my husband). We prayed for direction. (I prayed and whined, a little, okay a lot). Neither of us wanted to start over, but God was clear. So here we are in a new church where we don't really know anyone. It's hard and I would much more prefer the EASY.
It would EASY to go back to the familiar — where we are known and loved and where we know & love others
It would be EASY to focus on my friendships outside this new church.
It would be EASY to just sit on the pew and do nothing.
But I'm not called to easy. We are not called to easy. We are all called to faith.
Today the as the pastor preached an amazing sermon on walking without fear, I realized that I'm fearful. I'm afraid they won't like me. I'm afraid I won't fit in. I'm afraid that no one will ever notice me. These thoughts slammed through my heart today. Why Lord? Why now? Why again? Is it to remind me what it's like to be the new girl? The one who feels left out?
I don't have the perfect answer, but I KNOW God has a plan for these hard days. I'll trust His plan and walk without fear because I know the One who holds my future.