That's me. I'm a Mother-in-law. It just hit me the other day. I probably should have noticed this earlier, but I'm still in wedding recovery.
I was on the phone with my married daughter – oh my, when did she grow up? She tells me about her bathroom cleaning woes – am I in an alternate reality? This from the girl who though a hairspray coating on every surface was “no big deal.”
I miss her – I don't miss the hairspray mess, but I miss her. This house is quieter, less colorful with her gone. This summer is my baby girl's 15th year and she is much more interested in hanging out with friends than spending lots of time with Mom. So, it's really quiet around here, but I can still hear the laughter and they'll be back around.
Baby girl starts school this week – August 7th. Who thinks this is a good idea? It's the first week of August. What happened to school starting in September? Anyway, back on point, she'll be home more now. I'm not sad about that – I love being around her.
Married daughter doesn't come by much. She probably would if I asked her more, but I don't. It's not that I don't want to. I do a lot of tongue biting. I know if I ask she'll make it happen. She needs to figure out how to be his wife, how to be one-half of a couple without me in the middle. She needs to learn to look to him for support, not to me. I am trying to love her with open hands. Reminds me of that poster from the 70s (that always had the cheesy picture of a white dove):
If you love something set it free.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
Don't know why that came to mind, but I remember weeping over those words when I was …. 14, 15 and the boy of the week had broken my heart. Back to my mother-in-law focus.
Here I am, learning how to be a Mother-in-law – slowly. We had a blast hanging out with them on a few weeks ago – son-in-law tried to teach my how to play guitar hero. I'm bad. But I loved it. He loves her and that means we love him, but I also like him and so does V. He's a great guy.
I know that time will come when we spend more time with the couple and I'm really looking forward to that. Right now, I'm watching from the sidelines as my daughter slips out of her daughter role and into her new life as wife. She's doing great. She looks to her husband for support, she calls him when she needs advice or has something to share. That's the way it should be – they have to become a couple, but I still miss her, but she's in good hands. He loves her and he'll take care of her. That's all I can ask.
As for me? I'm going to brush up on my Guitar Hero skills and then I'm going to kick his tail. I'm guessing this is what any good mother-in-law would do, right?
Mary, definitely zone in on your inner Guitar Hero and get him whipped next time! 🙂 Your posting was an interesting read since I am like your daughter – I have only been married for 4 years and I tend to run to my mom or my MIL for advice and support. I really do need to be running more to my DH and to fully accept the role of being his wife. Thank you for this gentle reminder. It was a welcome blessing for me!
Mother in law grace is a mighty wonderful prayer. In some ways my mother in law was available to be mom to me even more than my own working mother when our children were young. With this wonderful role model I have moved into mother-in-law responsibility very carefully.
Our only daughter was seriously ill prior to her wedding. I told her in front of her fiancee that if this young man was willing to marry her with all her medical baggage; I wanted her to know that I was on his side forever. Even if he was wrong, I would side with him on any dispute. He is a quiet reserved young man, but a smile spread over his face that was amazing.
That was a good thing because she doesn’t try to pull me into disputes. I would not be all that objective since I love her so. By the way, God is wonderful, she is completely healed from those brain tumors 12 years ago.
I pray a lot as a mother in law and keep my opinions to myself usually.
Getting to know you on this blog I can tell you’ll be a wonderful mother-in-law.